NaPoWriMo 5/30 A Chosen State of Mind

Once upon a time I lost my mind and found myself living a life I didn’t choose. That is to say, that at that time, I was choosing to cruise, choiceless, letting life live me, going with the flow, rather than living what I know.

How many of us do that, day to day? How many of us find ourselves living in a way to which we are not used to, experiencing breakthroughs because our choices — or lack thereof — leave us voiceless, meekly accepting whatever comes.

And so we run, thinking we’re free, legs pumping furiously, breath pistoning in and out, doubt a constant companion, stout and belligerent, denying with every in and exhale that we are heaven-sent.

Hell-bent we carry on, singing whatever song the chorus is colluding on, brooding on, spawning new potentialities with each choice we do not make, repeating the takes again and again, as if our life was a movie that we didn’t choose to be in.

Our friends question our intent, wondering if we truly meant to be in this situation, if this is how we choose to end this incarnation, if this is how we shift our station in life, if this is how we walk the edge of a knife.

Or is it a razor blade, the soles of our feet punctured and flayed, the pain a visceral stain upon thoughts elevated and fey, influencing choiceless voices as we are forced to choose how to play this game of life, how to overcome the strife, how to stay thrilled to be alive and strive, growing with each death, every instant, put to the test.

I remember that time I woke from a long sleep and found my mind laying by the side of the road, trying not to weep while keeping company with a rather attractive toad, who invited me into her abode.

I made a choice to decode her voice as a subliminal command, standing by the door, abhorring each moment away from the sun’s precious light; all she wanted to do was fight and I satisfied that need, to her delight, until the time came for me to choose a new game.

That choice didn’t go over well and I broke her spell, watching as she exploded and I was instantly banned from that fantasy land in a span of nanoseconds, beckoned higher, the combustible fire of inner desire returning me to my prior state of being, free to be, realigned with the deepest form of me.

I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried and I don’t care if you think I lied, it’s beside the point because my tribe knows what I…